A True Friend

It’s leading up to that time again. Goodbye. Throughout my life I’ve had a significant number of key goodbyes, as well as many more interim goodbyes. My first major goodbye was leaving my home town of Melbourne to live in New Zealand when I was just shy of 21 years old. I didn’t know how long I’d be gone for. I said goodbye to my high school friends, family friends, and family. And I was welcomed into New Zealand by other friends and a surrogate family. I was there for 7.5 years and made deep friendships and connections.

My next significant goodbye was leaving New Zealand to go back home to Melbourne. All of my adult life, thus far, had been spent in NZ. The people in my life were close friends and had become family, and it was hard, but time to move on. Not long after I moved back home I felt that I should live in Indonesia for one year to teach at a new school there. Along the way I met incredibly awesome people and in a short time had formed lasting friendships despite the short term visit. And now, after nearly 9 months of growing and learning together, yet another significant goodbye is imminent.

So many people in my life have impacted me on various levels. And it’s amazing how something so simple as a Skype conversation can immediately bring you and them so close again. All of a sudden it’s like you never left. It got me thinking about friends throughout my journey of life. How much I love and adore them. And in those moments where insecurity comes knocking at the door – I choose to partner with the truth.

I am reminded of one friend in particular. He’s actually one of my oldest friends. I met him when I was about five years old, I think. He came to my house on a sunny day – I still remember it. We would go all sorts of places together. I didn’t always specifically invite him because I knew he’d come anyway. After a while though I didn’t hang out so much. It became the kind of friendship that if I needed something, then I knew I could ask him for it and he’d be happy to give it. I knew the kind of things he liked to do, but I’d really only hang out when it suited me. There was also a long period of time where I assumed I knew what he liked and so I did those things but I didn’t really enjoy it so much. I knew that he wanted to be friends with all my other friends too, but I wasn’t sure if they would understand him. In hindsight, it was probably because I didn’t fully understand him either. You can only truly know someone when they share their heart with you and you with them. Trust is built through love and vulnerability, and for that there needs to be time spent together.

I didn’t really spend much time with my friend. Oh, I thought I did. But only now am I beginning to understand how he truly connects with me. I’ve got other friends who also know him, and for a long time I was trying to be friends with him the same way they were. I figured that if I copied them, then he’d feel more fulfilled in our friendship. But really, what kind of a friendship is one out of obligation? I was too task-oriented to understand how I was hurting both of us by not being myself. Ahh… Being myself. What does that even look like? Who am I? These are questions most graduating high school students ask themselves. I’m grateful that even through my somewhat nonchalance in high school, my friend came closer to me at this time. My parents were going through a divorce at this time and I was so blessed to have close friends who stood by me and strengthened me. But it was still my faithful friend who was the one whispering truth into my heart the whole time. It was he who reassured me it was nothing to do with me or my siblings. It was my dear friend who led me to forgive them, and thus freeing myself from the pit of self-pity or bitterness. Although my world was changing and moving – my friend held me close and grieved with me. No judgemental word has ever passed his lips.

In New Zealand this friend was someone I couldn’t do life without! I was finally free to figure out who I actually was created to be. In my teenage years I had picked up some lies about myself that were holding me back, and this new start in a new country with new friends allowed me to follow my destiny and my friend was by my side throughout the whole time. He led me to finding out about this amazing couple who are changing children’s lives at a phenomenal rate! He put me in a place where I was privileged to serve alongside these wonderful people and get a training that is second to none! He brought me into a workplace that allowed me to serve the children and earn money at the same time! Those years were some of the best in my life so far and I’m so grateful for friends with good connections!! It was in New Zealand that my friend revealed to me that teaching is my destiny. And he waited for the perfect time where I was ready to accept and choose this path because my whole life prior to that moment, I swore I didn’t want to be a teacher. And now teaching is what I love to do – it’s me. And he knew it all along but didn’t force me into it – he waited for me to catch up and see for myself the glorious joy in pursuing your destiny.

I watched friends get married, and being older than them and single for most of my time in NZ, disappointment and hopelessness came up to my front door. But my friend walked with me through this. He told me that he’s already been through this and he knows how to deal with these sneaky characters. He whispered the truth to me, and as I took a hold of these truths, fear and hopelessness and disappointment would have a hard time getting at me again because now I was armed and ready!! Not to say that they haven’t tried – but they don’t last long before they give up. My friend told me that there’s nothing more powerful than truth. I believe him. I’ve seen too many impossible things happen when the truth is applied.

And here’s some of the truth that I’ve learned over my 30 years of life on this planet. No situation is ever hopeless. Failure isn’t fatal – it’s just feedback – learn from your mistakes. Be yourself because that’s the most fulfilling part of living life. Don’t compare yourself to others – that’s just like comparing a banana to a watermelon. They’re both fruit but they’re completely different! My friend actually is God, who was born on earth so that he could experience everything humans experience in order to walk with them, grieve with them, laugh with them… Every emotion you go through – he has already faced, but he can do one better – he knows the truth that will set you free from the oppressive situations. He actually died on your behalf so that your life would be filled with joy and freedom! He died not so eliminate all sucky situations – but that you would have someone walking through them with you and for the redemption of what was lost.

Jesus never demanded that I change. He never condemned me for the times that I wasn’t reciprocating friendship. He never judged me for the times I made decisions out of fear. Instead he constantly whispered my worth and my identity to my spirit. He spoke encouraging and uplifting words that caused me to leave behind my fear or destructive ways and lift up my head and accept my identity as a child of God. Royalty. Identity. I have been frequently amazed at how gently Jesus speaks the truth, yet how violently the shift happens from destructive to constructive behaviours. Yet there’s a part of me that’s somewhat saddened, because if I knew way back then what I know now about Jesus then what heights would I have reached by now? And if I was believing characteristics about Jesus that Just aren’t true – then how many others are living with veils over their hearts? My deepest desire is that you, too, can know the Jesus I know. My friend who sticks closer than a brother. 

Akiane is the artist - Prince Of Peace, Age 8 (2003), © Copyright