A New Operating System

1 week ago this ground was all dead...

It's November 4 and I'm sitting outside on this beautiful morning so grateful that we can have this gorgeous weather for a little while longer. About 3 weeks ago it rained for the first time in 8 months here. When I arrived in early September, the only green grass to be found were in properties that were well watered overnight. Everything else was dead and yellow. But now, three weeks after the first rain our backyard already has a green tinge. It's autumn, but it feels like spring. The oaks in our yard don't change colour - they just lose their leaves, but they've still got a healthy foliage. The sky is blue and streaked with whispy clouds. I've noticed that since I've been here I'm becoming more awed by natural beauty. Landscapes, mountain ranges, changing leaves, birds and their songs... As my heart is slowly being turned towards the One who loves me beyond my comprehension, so too, is my mind learning to recognise the gifts he has given all of his cherished ones. Each encounter with my God is one that brings me to a deeper understanding of how much He actually loves me! His love is transforming me. I start seeing myself doing things that I never thought were 'me'. And the best thing is - it feels completely natural!

Here's a testimony from recent events in my life.

I came to Bethel knowing that I didn't have enough money to see me through the 9 months here. I felt like it was something God was cool with, and I have never needed to see God come through for me with miraculous finances before. He's always given me a job immediately when I've needed money, so I thought it was time for me to take the next step in our relationship. It was time to learn to trust my Abba. (This is a personal testimony and I came to this conclusion out of relationship with God. It was not a 'test' for Him, but an opportunity for me to grow closer to Him through learning to trust Him.) 

Ok. So a couple of months went by and no financial miracles yet. I was admittedly a bit scared and resigned to the fact that if I accidentally screwed up in my understanding of God's talking with me, then that's cool - I'll just fly home... Now I'm accustomed to working for what I need. I don't have the luxury of rich parents, so my survival has always been up to me financially. Being in a country where I am not allowed to work is really hard for me because there is no way I can provide for myself! But as I would seek God's opinions on this matter, I always heard that I should relax and let Him take care of me. This was not easy. So I would go to people and ask them to pray with me (to see if they heard differently from God...) They all felt like God was saying to relax and trust Him - He's my Dad with unlimited resources and it's His pleasure to carry me through this season! Wow! As beautiful as that was - it was really difficult to swallow! Me? Worthy of that much attention from Him? I went through a series of revelations from Him about my identity as a daughter of His. That God, Himself, provided a way for all people to become as children of His through Jesus' death and resurrection. Finally I had come home to where I belong!

After this time I was more at peace about God providing but curious as to how He'd come through. I've heard a wise man say, "You can never out give God" and I always desired to be a generous person. But what God started to reveal to me was, that I was generous but only with people I knew and liked and who would be responsible with what I gave them. I thought that I was a good steward, that those were responsible decisions. But God challenged me. He asked me if I would give money to someone He prompted me to give to even if I knew they would not use the money wisely. I asked Him back if that would be wise stewardship. He challenged me further as to whether the limited money I could possibly give away to 'irresponsible' people could possibly affect the riches of Heaven... Ooh. He got me there. He then went on to explain that generosity has everything to do with compassion, following the leading of the Spirit and our heart as opposed to where the money is actually going. This was happening at a time where many students here were asking people for money to cover their tuition. My attitude at the time was that it's their responsibility to provide their tuition. That if they couldn't pay it off, then maybe they shouldn't be here... But then God reminded me of my situation... Ouch. I was all happy to give to my friends' tuition, but there were people there I didn't really know yet and I was not going to give them anything. Until God showed up. He challenged my attitude and then told me that if I gave $20 to this one person's tuition (this was a person who really irked me) then that would be the key to my financial breakthrough. I was like, God! That's not fair - you can't blackmail me! And He replied, I know, I'm teaching you. Ok. When you put it like that... I told Him that I'm only doing it cos He told me to, and I'm not in the state where I can be a 'cheerful giver'. He told me it didn't matter my attitude - the provision had already been made. The next day I paid the money and then Holy Spirit prompted me to look at my New Zealand bank account. Now, I haven't been in NZ for 2 years, but I've checked the account heaps of times hoping and praying for some sort of miracle. But I hadn't checked it for a few months. I opened the page and there was $86 in there!! What the?! Dividends from shares I had sold two years ago... Wow! All I could do was laugh. I mean, sure. Maybe the payment would have come through if I didn't give the $20, but then again...

So, at this stage I had enough money to pay my rent for November and now with this extra money I could probably see myself eating for that month too. I did, however, need a couple of extra winter clothes (due to only being able to bring 23kg with me!) So I decided that I could spend $100 on these things and that would leave me a little bit extra for fun times or whatever. I went to the shops and found some great bargains (thanks God!) and I was walking to my car when this young guy asked, "Hey, can you spare some money for a bus fare?" to which I did the head down, purse grab mumbled, "No, sorry." But then Holy Spirit spoke. "Go back and help him out." to which I replied in my head, "But he'll probably just spend it on drugs or whatever." to which Holy Spirit replied, "Do what you feel is best but you should go back and help him."

So I turned around and called him back and asked him what He needed. He explained that he got stranded here because these guys were robbing him and he was fighting them when the police came and arrested him. He lives in Southern California and had no job here and no way to get home. He was really embarrassed that he was reduced to asking for money to get back home. I thought (or maybe Holy Spirit said) that this would be an opportunity for me to show God's love to a perfect stranger who could most definitely use any money I gave him irresponsibly. I asked him when he wanted to leave and he said as soon as possible - had all his belongings in his backpack. So I took him to the bus station to see how much a ticket would be and when he could leave. Unfortunately it was Sunday and the ticket sales weren't open. I also found out that a ticket would be $130 but I only had $60 left (other than the money still in NZ). I told him such and he said that there's an organisation here in Redding that will help out with bus fares - if he comes up with half the money then they'll supply the rest in bus vouchers. All this time we had been chatting - he told me about his family, his work, his study dreams and his desire to hear from God personally (he was already a believer of Jesus). When we realised the bus depot was shut I then took him to his mate's house and took the plunge and decided I was going to give him the $60 in cash. We prayed before he left and it was such a cool time to hang out with God. The funny thing was, that although I was left with $6 in my account, I was not worried. My rent was paid for the all of November - so that left God 30 days to help me continue my journey here at Bethel. 

I went home and told all of my housemates the story - I was still buzzing at the craziness of what I did... It was cool. It felt like I was truly representing Jesus - which was a beautiful feeling! Just before bed I felt to check my USA bank account, which earlier that day showed only $6 left. I could not believe my eyes when I opened the page and there was $400 in there!! What?! Are you kidding me? I was totally overwhelmed by God's provision! It was at that moment where all residual fear of not having enough to last my time here disappeared. My Abba showed up. He gave me enough to survive another month. I was given the opportunity to trust Him and He is faithful. The funny part is that it's all things I knew but was yet to experience. There is nothing like an encounter with my God. Nothing at all can come close. 

I now understand generosity. I understand giving through compassion and the leading of Holy Spirit. He knows best. It's learning to be sensitive to those things that we would usually pass on by. It's not that we always give in order to receive, but more that we give because we have been given to! There's an element of both (farmers don't sow seed not expecting a harvest) and the best way to find out is to ask Holy Spirit what He thinks. I'm coming to realise that He always knows best.